“Working with Eric was a pleasure. We developed a good rapport and established a level of honesty and trust. I valued his counsel and recommendations. I find Eric to be very competent in a variety of disciplines. He is able to correctly diagnose organizational problems and suggest solutions that are on point. I found Eric to be a professional with the highest levels of honesty, integrity, and ethical behavior. I would not hesitate to engage his services again in the future.”
Kathy Lueckert,
former Corporate Services Director,
Department of Planning and Development,
City of Seattle
(Kathy is now Director of Planning and Finance for Advocacy and Communications at World Vision.)
“I've worked closely with Eric on developing and presenting the Leadership Eastside community leadership program. He has that rare blend of extensive real-world experience along with a very strong background in theory and research. He moves easily between big picture strategy and the tactical details. Eric brings a superb ability to plan, execute and follow-through, both as a behind-the-scenes planner and as an upfront instructor and facilitator.”
Annalee Luhman,
founding board member,
Leadership Eastside
Conflict and change: The blog
24 September 2008
Then, he got defensive
Have you ever approached someone to ask them a question or share information and immediately encounter a wall of defensiveness?
This is what happened to a coaching client I spoke with the other day. She didn't understand where the defensive reaction was coming from. She felt that she had approached the person as gently as she could.
Well, there's no telling what might "set someone off" on any given day. There are dozens of possible factors. I wouldn't worry about all the possibilities and instead focus only on those things you control--primarily your behavior.
Fortunately, though, when someone is acting defensively, it's a little easier to figure out. First, you've got to pause the conversation you're trying to have and switch gears. Find out with of two things are happening. (1) The other person doesn't think you respect them or (2) he or she thinks you are working against them.
If you've "dissed" the person, even accidentally, then by all means apologize. Just make it a sincere apology. (Note: "I'm sorry you're defensive" is NOT a sincere apology.) Next, tell them what you didn't intend to do (upset them), and follow with what you did intend to do. This is a great trust-restorer--again if you're sincere.
If you suspect that the other person thinks that you two are at odds with each other, then look for the common ground. What are you both working toward? You both want the company to look good. Heck, you both want to look good, too. (Maybe they feel defensive because they think you are trying to show them up?)
You can deal with defensiveness if you notice it and deal with it, before getting back to the original topic. The better you are at dealing with defensiveness, the more effective an influence leader you'll be.
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