Home Who We work with how we work Services workshops blog Resources About us Contact

“Working with Eric was a pleasure. We developed a good rapport and established a level of honesty and trust. I valued his counsel and recommendations. I find Eric to be very competent in a variety of disciplines. He is able to correctly diagnose organizational problems and suggest solutions that are on point. I found Eric to be a professional with the highest levels of honesty, integrity, and ethical behavior. I would not hesitate to engage his services again in the future.”

Kathy Lueckert,
former Corporate Services Director,
Department of Planning and Development,
City of Seattle
(Kathy is now Director of Planning and Finance for Advocacy and Communications at World Vision.)

“I've worked closely with Eric on developing and presenting the Leadership Eastside community leadership program. He has that rare blend of extensive real-world experience along with a very strong background in theory and research. He moves easily between big picture strategy and the tactical details. Eric brings a superb ability to plan, execute and follow-through, both as a behind-the-scenes planner and as an upfront instructor and facilitator.”

Annalee Luhman,
founding board member,
Leadership Eastside

 

Conflict and change: The blog

 Subscribe in a reader

 

23 June 2008

Are you ruled by your story?

Have you ever been swept off your feet by a story you were telling yourself?

If so, you might be like Betty (not her real name), a manager I worked with one time who was utterly convinced that Rachel (also a fake name), a co-worker of hers, must be fired. I had been brought in by senior leadership to work with a very dysfunctional work group, which involved several different sets of highly-skilled and dedicated professionals. Betty was the manager of one of these groups, and she wanted Rachel to go.

When I arrived on the scene, I talked with group members about what was going on, and learned that there were all sorts of latent conflict, safety and trust issues, and operational problems. It quickly became apparent to me that there was much to do before resorting to firing anyone.

Unfortunately, Betty was already past that point. There was no way that she would participate in the change project, or even stay in her job, if Rachel was going to remain. So, Betty quit.

I can't think of a better example of how our feelings and behaviors are ruled by the stories (conclusions, judgments or interpretations) we tell ourselves. Betty had concluded that Rachel must go. She regarded Rachel as a source of negativity in the work group. As she saw it, senior management was obligated to get rid of Rachel, and I was obligated to recommend it.

This conclusion on Betty's part led her to feel profound frustration and anger when that didn't happen. And, those strong feelings led Betty to decide to leave her job. She'd rather switch jobs than put up with the bitterness she felt.(Yet, she is the one who created the bitterness.)

Here's the path that Betty took: Rachel must be fired (story) —> Anger and frustration (feeling) —> Quit her job (action)

If Betty had been willing and able to acknowledge and examine her story, she might have been able to break its hypnotic power over her. She might have been able to entertain other stories—and maybe even entertained the possibility that she (Betty) played a role in the problem herself. Then she might've decided to keep her job.