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“Working with Eric was a pleasure. We developed a good rapport and established a level of honesty and trust. I valued his counsel and recommendations. I find Eric to be very competent in a variety of disciplines. He is able to correctly diagnose organizational problems and suggest solutions that are on point. I found Eric to be a professional with the highest levels of honesty, integrity, and ethical behavior. I would not hesitate to engage his services again in the future.”

Kathy Lueckert,
former Corporate Services Director,
Department of Planning and Development,
City of Seattle
(Kathy is now Director of Planning and Finance for Advocacy and Communications at World Vision.)

“I've worked closely with Eric on developing and presenting the Leadership Eastside community leadership program. He has that rare blend of extensive real-world experience along with a very strong background in theory and research. He moves easily between big picture strategy and the tactical details. Eric brings a superb ability to plan, execute and follow-through, both as a behind-the-scenes planner and as an upfront instructor and facilitator.”

Annalee Luhman,
founding board member,
Leadership Eastside

 

Conflict and change: The blog

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2 February 2009

Act unilaterally

Ever been in conflict with someone and waited for them to take a step before you would? Ever conditioned a gesture on your part with an expectation of getting something from them in return?

How’s that worked? It can take a pretty long time for those rare, special conditions to be met. In fact, it hardly ever seems to happen. Meanwhile, the two of you remain in conflict and are probably actively perpetuating it.

If this sounds like you, here’s a question for you: Why are you letting the other person control your behavior?

That’s what’s happening, right? You won’t take the step to do the “right thing” because you are waiting for them to do or say something. You’ve placed control of your behavior in the other person, the very person you’re in conflict with.

Doesn’t make much sense, does it? How about taking another approach? Try acting unilaterally. Do the right thing even if you question it will work. In fact, do the right thing because you question whether it will work.

You know the current interaction isn’t working, so try something radically different. Try extending overt courtesy, try paraphrasing what they have to say, seek out their opinion—anything that will break up the current pattern, and do it without expecting anything back from them.

If you try these things because they are the “right thing” to do, you’re much less likely to slip into manipulating them. If you do them because you’re hoping for a favorable response, then you might be tempted to manipulate, and the other person will “smell a rat.”

So, find some productive and positive behavior and do it only because it’s the right thing to do. Don’t announce it; just do it. Act unilaterally and take back control of your own behavior.